The How: Journaling & Evaluating
Reasons to journal & evaluate if you’re skeptical
Get thoughts and feelings out of your head ~ allows you to do something about them
Stop overthinking/ruminating unnecessarily
Validate thoughts and feelings you are questioning
A chance to practice self-compassion
Self-coaching potential, see the solution more clearly
Thoughtful prompts can encourage you to be inquisitive, think differently, find a unique approach to problems, and embrace a new perspective. We often default to routines, which means we sometimes need to push ourselves to think a bit differently.
Dedicate time to evaluation so you don’t feel the need to do it in the moment. Often we get in our own way when we judge our actions immediately/as we are doing them, which often leads to avoidance, overthinking, and using guilt/shame as a motivator.
Distance provides wisdom, and we can evaluate from a better mental place (healthier mindset)
We will be less sensitive to the judgments we make (sometimes the truth is hard) when there is space between our actions and analysis.
We can get on with the task because we know we will evaluate later (i.e. we don’t have to worry about that right now!)
An opportunity to learn, tweak and grow instead of disregarding failures, digging deeper into the things that aren’t working, and feeling stuck.
What journaling can look like:
“can” because us perfectionists struggle with feeling like we “should” do things a certain way.. listen to what you actually want to do & definitely use these as guidelines/inspiration for what you CAN do!
The basics: paper & pen, scrap paper, dedicated book, word document, notes app, voicenote.
I prefer to use paper and pen, but do what works best for you. There isn’t a “right” way to journal and you can use many ways if that’s what you need to do.
Set a limit for your sessions (especially if you are new to it). This can be a time or page limit. This makes it less about journaling the “right” way and more about completing the task. As you are focusing on filling the time/page, you will be able to just write, with less judgment or focus on what you are writing. If you are unsure about the limit to set, start with 5 minutes OR 1 page.
What to write: there are two types of journaling that are most useful to perfectionists.
stream of consciousness ( just writing, even if it doesn’t make sense, like a continuous thought stream)
I usually start by asking myself: what am I thinking about right now? And start writing that.. See where it goes from there. This can be a great way to empty your mind if you feel overwhelmed, to dump thoughts/feelings that you want to acknowledge and rant about anything that is bothering you. While it can come across as daunting, there isn’t any right way to do it.. Because all you need to do is write. It will most likely be very random, embrace it!
responding to a prompt/question: typically you would answer a short prompt/question with as much detail as you would like. Here is a free guide of some of my favourites for perfectionists.
You can do one prompt, multiple prompts, short or long answers.. Start with one and see where you want to take it. Usually this method is best for when you want to get to the bottom of something or are needing specific inspiration. Often it can lead to some self-coaching as you evaluate/analyze your answers and draw out useful insights about your life.
What evaluations can look like:
Sometimes called a “weekly review” they are a reflection on a set period of time. You can review anywhere from a day to a year and beyond. I would recommend starting with a weekly or monthly practice.
Focus on acknowledging what you DID do (start with this so you can approach the rest of your evaluation from a more abundant mindset). You can write out a literal list if that helps you focus on it.
Brainstorm what didn’t work, keep writing until you think you’ve got it all. By writing silly things that you don’t think belong here, you are giving yourself permission to write it all, judgment free. You will always find some good insights if you give yourself permission to write down the “insignificant” stuff too.
Take the list of things that didn’t work and come up with some ideas to change them for next-time. Is there something you can do differently? How can you make that happen? Perfectionists often need the reminder to start small, we don’t need to overcomplicate/re-invent it all, we don’t need to solve it entirely this week.
Decide a few intentions to focus on for your next period (i.e. for the week/month to come). Then you can evaluate further next time how close to those intentions you were able to stay. (& shift again if need be!)
Reminders:
Do what works for YOU. I can suggest a starting point, but don’t get stuck in the perfectionist belief that it has to look a certain way. Take what works for you and let it evolve to be unique.
If you miss a journaling or evaluation session, pick back up where you left off. This is meant to be a tool to help you take more control of your life and stop letting perfectionism rule the show. Just get going again, as soon as you can and without guilt (if possible!).
Experiment, have fun, dedicate time, make it a tool but also part of living life. It doesn’t need to feel like a chore. Lean into making it fun and for you. Mine looks like: enjoyable atmosphere (tea, candle, clean desk, cozy vibes), scheduled time (with spontaneous journaling allowed too), often a stream of consciousness style with a prompt thrown in when I need direction.. And ever evolving!
