Step 1: where do I even start?
It’s been one week since I hit publish on my “I need to get a life” post, an appropriate time for a check-in. So how’s it going? Well I’ve not done much, little bits here and there but as a perfectionist I know all too well that we can jump into things full-throttle and quickly forget that we ever wanted it in the first place, especially when the vulnerability sets in.
So I’m okay that my pace is slow to start, slow and steady wins the race is a saying for a reason, right? While us perfectionists can accomplish a lot when needed (hello deadlines!), when it comes to the stuff that is for our benefit but doesn’t have external accountability it can be harder to stick with it. Unfortunately for us, much of the habits and routines that are best for us fall into this category.
While I’ve tried to enjoy pockets of time in the last week, I’ve also given myself a chance to transition towards this new mindset with the hopes that I will be more successful in the long-run. So it’s time to start, but where?
I’ve considered 3 categories that contribute to “living my life”, they are:
1- must dos (the foundation)
2- hard but good to dos (adds structure)
3- pure fun / joy (the “living” moments)
Then I’ve brainstormed what fits into those categories for me (remember yours might be different & there isn’t a “right” way to categorize your life). Here’s what I came up with:
1- must dos / the foundation: tasks that are absolutely required / I can’t skip
Work, cleaning, eating, sleeping, paying the bills, personal hygiene
2- hard but good to dos / adds structure: tasks that can be skipped, but are good for me to do regularly, not always easy, but always pay off in the long-term
Healthy eating, exercise, personal growth work, structured morning routine, mindfulness practice
3- pure fun / joy / the “living” moments: the things I enjoy doing, that I want to do more of, that without a doubt contribute to the sense that I’m “living my own life”
Watching tv/movies with my partner, fresh air / nature / sunshine, crafts / creative activities, reading, adventure / vacation / day trips
These are most certainly not an exhaustive list, but they are a place to start. Now the key for me, as a perfectionist, is to make sure that I’m not hustling through categories 1 and 2 so that I can enjoy 3, when I have time. Instead, I will constantly be asking myself: how can I make all categories as enjoyable as possible? For me, this means two things: FUN & EASE.
Before I dive into living this plan there is one last thing I want to consider: boundaries. As a perfectionist, boundaries can be a challenge. People pleasing comes so naturally to me, and neglecting myself tends to be the default. So there are two last questions I will ask myself before I get started:
1- What boundaries do I need with others to protect “my life”?
2- What boundaries do I need with myself to ensure I’m living “my life”?
Boundaries with others sound harsh in this context, but I always need to remind myself: boundaries make healthy relationships better, always. They don’t need to be cruel, mean, or targetted, but they do need to help provide space, and to protect your valuable time and energy.
Boundaries with yourself are simply rules that you live by. They don’t need to be strict, but they do need to be easy to follow and supportive to you. They can be things like: I get up when my alarm goes off in the morning, I limit my social media time to “X minutes”. Commitments to yourself that you decide ahead of time and that protect and provide space for yourself in the same way traditional boundaries do.
I’m looking forward to sharing my answers to these questions in future posts, but until then it’s time to get started.
