The How: Routines and Habits

The benefit of routines and habits isn’t new information, we’ve probably all read the books, social media posts and watched Youtube videos on the 5 best habits/routines (etc).  But what is often missed is tailoring routines and habits for perfectionists. 

The vast majority of recommended routines and habits are great in theory, but don’t work that well for perfectionists in practice. Quite discouraging, but with a little bit of tweaking we can simply change how we implement them and still reap the benefits. Stick with me.

Perfectionism reminder: tweaking and revamping what has worked before is the aim.  Resist the temptation to overhaul. 

Key Considerations:

What perfectionism is NOT: a cute habit, loving things to be done perfectly, something you brag about.

What perfectionism actually is: a coping mechanism to avoid feeling shame (ironic because of how much we shame ourselves).

Guilt doesn’t increase motivation long-term (it often encourages avoidance).

Willpower is a limited resource. 

Perfect schedules are a myth we believe in to stay busy planning and blame the planning method rather than addressing our mindset and actions. 

Fixating on the right way is a waste of time. When it comes to routines and habits, there is no such thing as right/wrong, there is only what works for you.  Sure there are less effective ways, but finding the right way for you is most important, try to ignore the external pressures. 

All or nothing thinking will show up at some point, it’s the belief that we need to do it ALL or we shouldn’t bother. Aim for middle ground, and make peace with it.

Procrastination too, it may look like: avoidance, busy-work (looking productive without being productive), wasting time, waiting for the perfect time, waiting to feel “ready” & so on. It will show up if you are a perfectionist, address it without defaulting to guilt & willpower. 

WHAT TO DO

Routines

Choose one to focus on: so there is no excuse to switch back and forth when vulnerability shows up.
(typically morning or evening, not both)

Ditch what “should” be included and focus on what you want to do. 

Keep it simple: set yourself up for success.
Add one component to your current routine/change one thing at a time.
No routine? Start with 3 things max. 
side note: in the past I’ve definitely convinced myself that starting out with a 10-20 step routine was the key to success - no shame, us perfectionists have all been there… just try to keep it simple.

A perfect routine won’t solve all your problems, but an intentional routine will give you time, energy and space to live your life.  An intentional routine reduces overwhelm, overthinking and decision fatigue (hello more energy & time).

Habits

Add one new habit at a time, stay focused so you can’t switch to a new habit at the first sign of failure.

Start small and keep low expectations (understanding that low expectations of yourself likely balances out to average expectations because us perfectionists are already sky-high in our expectations).

Create a minimum version for the days when it’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t have the time/energy to follow through (and credit yourself when you do it - it still counts as done)

Track when you do it: shift away from guilt/shame as a motivator)

You can read all the books (etc.) on habits, but recognize when you have enough knowledge and it’s time to start taking action (accumulating excessive knowledge = classic perfectionism).

My version

I’m very much on this journey myself right now - so if you are curious here’s what I’m doing (November 2023).

Routine: AM focus

My morning routine currently looks like: get up (6/630), coffee, relax on couch, mindfulness/journaling (latest addition), eat healthy breakfast (smoothie), get ready for work.

Temptation to change “bad habits” but keeping them in for now (aka watching Youtube), eventually I will shift away but for now I’m focusing on less time spent (middle ground)

Temptation 5 am wake up, for now stick to 6/6:30

Habit to add: early morning workout 

To be determined: where it fits best in my routine/schedule. What to try this week: choose a slot and test it out, if it doesn’t work then next week I choose a different slot

Starting small: same class I’ve done before at the gym, just new time (small change)

Minimum version: Youtube yoga (10 mins) at home (for when I don’t have time, energy or the ability to get to the gym ~ winter weather is coming!)

Tracking: on blank calendar what I do/when (I’ll share more of the specifics in the next post)

It can be daunting when you realize that it’s your perfectionist mindset that’s stopping you from implementing all the best routine & habit advice out there. But it’s okay, make a few simple tweaks and focus on what works for you, not what you should do.