THE BEST 3 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT BOOKS I READ IN 2020
The following are books that I know I will go back to many times, as I have referred back to each at least once since I initially read them. I read books like these with a highlighter so that I can easily refer back to them and pull out what stood out to me. If I choose to read the books again, I'll grab a new highlighter colour and add that year's notes. I read a lot of books, and this past year really got into learning about personal development through reading books, but these are my top 3!
#1- The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brené Brown
This book to me was all about the importance of being your authentic self. It's about how believing in yourself and self-acceptance can benefit your life. I believe 2020 was the 10th anniversary of the original publication and the hype around its new edition was why I bought it.
What resonated most with me:
The idea that you can be comfortable in your own skin. That you don't need to pretend to be someone you are not anymore.
On that note, fitting in is not the same as belonging. For my entire life, I've put so much energy into fitting in and rarely felt like I belonged. This book pointed out to me that there is a difference and that finding belonging is more important to me.
I numb emotions by mindless scrolling on social media. After learning about numbing negative emotions and realizing this is how I was doing it, I've become more intentional with my use of social media. This started with strict restrictions but has evolved to be more mindful in how much and why I use it.
Lessons learned:
Rest and play are valuable. Slowing down and being "unproductive" is good for me and ironically will make me more productive in the long run. I make sure to get a good night's sleep and adequate rest every day. I find joy in doing crafts and watching entertaining tv/movies as a way to increase my playtime.
Finding someone to be vulnerable with is essential. It is encouraged to have one person, who can hold space for you to be vulnerable without judgement. I think I have finally found and began to appreciate that person.
Gratitude practice is life-changing. I already knew this, of course. This was just a little reminder in a time when there is a lot to be resentful of. Sometimes I say something I'm grateful for before bed and sometimes I journal about gratitude, but I always try and "stop to smell the roses" so to speak and appreciate what I do have.
Trusting myself instead of polling others for advice on actions to take. For a long time, I have relied on doing what others thought was best for me, instead of figuring out what I wanted and trusting myself and my wisdom. While I do think it is valuable to talk things out sometimes, I've started trusting myself and my own instincts above what other people or society expects from me. It is a quite freeing place to be.
#2- Daring Greatly, by Brené Brown
This book was my first encounter with Brené Brown- what rock was I hiding under? Safe to say that since reading it I have binged much of her content including: youtube videos, podcast, Netflix special. This book is centered around having the courage to try and fail and has inspired me in so many ways.
What resonated most with me:
Perfectionism causes me to freeze and miss opportunities that life brings. While I had previously identified myself as a perfectionist (thanks to the Perfectionism Project podcast) hearing this fact from a researcher's point of view really made me realize how much my perfectionist tendencies were holding me back.
We live in a scarcity culture and it is easy to get stuck in the comparison trap, especially to celebrities and influencers that appear to share much of their lives online. It takes courage to challenge the scarcity and most judgement comes from our own (or their own) insecurities.
In women, appearance and worthiness are connected. And I'm worthy because of my existence, not because of how I look.
Lessons learned:
Vulnerability takes courage but it is worth valuing in myself and others. I've truly learned to believe that there isn't anything wrong with being vulnerable and that it is, in fact, a strength, not a weakness.
Performance and busyness are me working from a place of fear. Slowing down and asking for support is okay.
#3- Mindset, by Carol Dweck
There is a lot of talk about the fixed vs. growth mindset and while I had heard about them many times before, I read this book like a textbook. The fixed mindset is usually described as believing that qualities and abilities are static, as in you are born with your talents. The growth mindset, however, is the belief that qualities and abilities can be learned and improved. I think you can have different severity of these mindsets in different areas of your lives. For example, I believe that good relationships require effort and evolution (growth mindset), but have a fixed mindset in many other areas of my life.
What resonated most with me:
Fixed mindset encourages you to constantly need to prove yourself, your abilities and your worth. While the growth mindset encourages enjoyment of learning and improvement of yourself and your abilities; your self worth is never on the line.
Fixed mindset causes fear of judgement and says that effort is bad because it shows that you are not naturally talented, therefore unworthy.
In the growth mindset, failure doesn't define you.
Lessons learned:
Thriving on a challenge is how I can grow and improve. Also, the enjoyment is in the journey, not the result at the end. This has encouraged me to find ways to make the journey more fun, instead of waiting to feel worthy by the accomplishment. I've also been trying to push myself to grow and improve as much as possible to use as evidence that my fixed mindset isn't right about my talents.
Staying safe and playing small is not worth it. My self-confidence is not as fragile when I am in a growth mindset. This is because everything I do is not for or against my self-worth.
Pride in myself for the work put in not the outcome is important. I've learned to praise myself for a job well done, not for achieving or accomplishing something. This also helps make the journey more fun.
Well, those are my reflections on these three amazing books I read in 2020. They have all been published for years, but are so wise in their teachings that I found them very applicable to my life now, even in the rollercoaster of 2020.
Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts and what resonated most for you in the comments below! Do you have any personal development book recommendations for 2021? I'm eager to hear your suggestions!
